The Neighbors are Espadas
by Dimitri61
Summary: Starrk, Harribel, Nel, Ulquiorra, and Grimmjow decide to move out of Las Noches and into the human world after getting tired of Aizen and his merry men. Where can they go? A couple of wealthy benefactors decide to generously house them and provide for whatever they need provided they are entertained to some extent. No telling what might happen. A/N- Some OOC stuff, a little AU
1. In Transit

(Grimmjow, Nel, and Ulquiorra are sitting in the front row of first class while Starrk and Harribel are sitting a row behind them with a seat between them)

Starrk- (leans back in his luxury leather plane seat) "Yo, Harribel. Tell me about this place."

Harribel- (turns the page in her newspaper) "I wasn't joking when I said it was quite nice."

Ulquiorra- (looking back from the seat in front of them) "You pulled us out of Las Noches, got us on a plane, and you haven't told us where we're going."

Harribel- "Trust me. You'll be glad I did."

Grimmjow- "Nel! Stop snoring! (looks up to the flight attendant after pushing Nel off his shoulder) Hello there beautiful."

Flight attendant- "Would you like some complimentary peanuts?" (offers Grimmjow a bag)

Grimmjow- (stands up and puts his arm around her waist, pulling her close) "What I'd like is some of that first class shit you guys got in the back fridge and a little bit of you to go with it."

Flight attendant- (very uncomfortable as she tries to get away from him) "Sir, the 'fasten your seatbelt' light has not been turned off… (she looks at his collar) I think you've got drool on yourself, sir…"

Grimmjow- (looks down, then looks over at Nel who is now leaning on Ulquiorra) "Damn it, Nel!"

(flight attendant makes a quick escape to the back of the first class section)

Starrk- (closing his eyes) "Smooth move, Don Juan."

Grimmjow- "Shut up, Starrk. (grabs the napkin of the person across the aisle and tries to get Nel's drool off his shirt) This is like my favorite shirt. The fuck…"

Ulquiorra- (gently pushes Nel back to her seat) "So where are we actually going? We've been over nothing but ocean for so long. Frankly I'm bored."

(Starrk reclines his chair as far back as possible, nearly fully horizontal, crushing the knees of the unfortunate person behind him)

Starrk- "Then take a fuckin nap. You should take a page from Nel's book."

Grimmjow- "You mean throw yourself at the closest teenage guy?"

Starrk- "Maybe not that book. Why don't you use your stupid tripod and listen to more of that horrendous screeching you're so fond of?"

Ulquiorra- (sighs lightly) "It's not screeching, Starrk. It's metal. And another thing, (pulls an iPod touch out of his pocket) it's an 'iPod.'"

Starrk- "I'll never understand any of that shit. Harribel."

Harribel- (opens her eyes) "What?"

Starrk- "Where the hell are you taking us?"

Harribel- "I told Urahara that we were in the market for a new place to stay for the five of us."

Grimmjow- (sets his beer down in the cup holder) "Not that tard… Please tell me that you didn't accept anything he offered you."

Harribel- (shrugs) "I didn't accept anything from him. He got me in contact with someone crazy enough to give you idiots a place to stay."

Grimmjow- "We're not idiots, Tier."

Ulquiorra- (shakes his head) "Coming from the guy who got yelled at by Aizen for trying to turn Los Noches into a frat house."

Grimmjow- "Those douchebags at Hueco Tech thought they were the hardest partyin and drinkin guys around. I had to do something. (puts his hand up in a slicing motion) "You better act right 'fore you get slapped right. (previous flight attendant walks back by and scurries away before he can get up) 'ey baby? Where you goin?"

Starrk- "Give it a rest Grimmjow. If she wanted the D, then she would have let you know… (looks back to Harribel) As you were saying?"

Harribel- "Old acquaintance of mine says he got just the place for us. His words were 'as long as you all keep things interesting.' He and his associates are a little out there at times, but they mean well."

(Ulquiorra looks out the window to see land far beneath them)

Ulquiorra- "The destination?"

Harribel- "Toronto, Ontario."

Grimmjow- (finishing his beer) "That's in America, right?"

Ulquiorra- "It's in Canada."

Grimmjow- "You're a dumbass, Ulqui. Everyone knows that Canada is a large state in America. So shut up."

Starrk- (shakes his head) –sarcastic- "I never would have known that without Captain Geography over here."

Ulquiorra- "Who's the president of the United States?"

Grimmjow- -proudly- "Come on man, you don't pay any attention, do you? America doesn't have a president."

Harribel- (puts a hand to her forehead) –mutters to herself- "Can't wait to hear this one…"

Grimmjow- "It's so obvious. They obviously have a monarchy. Why else would they have a 'Burger King?' They've got a good military cuz 'the' Colonel Sanders has things down to a science."

Starrk- -mockingly- "Don't forget Duke Ronald of McDonald…"

Harribel- "I thought you went to school, Grimmjow. Hell, I've seen you watching the History channel many times."

Grimmjow- (confused) "I thought those were comedies… Why the hell else would Napoleon invade Russia in the winter? The sequel was actually funnier when Hitler tried it."

Starrk- (opens his eyes) "Wait, we had a TV in Las Noches? Since when?"

Harribel- "Since that time Gin left his room open to go buy more toothpaste. He had like twenty of them."

Starrk- "Why the hell didn't anyone tell me?"

Ulquiorra- (turning Nel's open and drooling mouth away from his face toward Grimmjow) "When was the last time you were a. awake? and b. sober?"

Starrk- (thinking deeply) "Uuhhhh… probably the same time you put that Twilight poster up in your room…"

Grimmjow- (whistles) "That's been a while, bro."

Ulquiorra- -quietly- "You guys knew about that?"

Grimmjow- (laughs) "Like it wasn't obvious? I know you went to all of the book and movie releases. And then you gave that 'team Edward' shirt to Orihime."

(Ulquiorra turns back around to his window and becomes deathly silent)

Starrk- -imitating Orihime- "Oh Ulquiorra, you're so dark and romantic. You have so many deep thoughts, enough to make up for the fact I lack all critical thinking skills and can't even blink without my tits jiggling."

(Grimmjow, Starrk, and Harribel all start to crack up, trying to keep from laughing though they are unsuccessful)

Grimmjow- (puts a hand back and high fives Starrk) "That's my boy right there."

(Nel groggily awakens and wipes drool from her mouth)

Nel- "What's going on? Are we there yet?"

Grimmjow- "Yes, Neliel, we just magically arrived just as you were waking up."

Nel- (looks out the window, then looks back at Grimmjow with a sad expression) "Why are you so mean to me, Grimmy?"

Grimmjow- "You've got your adult form back. Why the fuck are you still acting like you're four?"

Ulquiorra- (just loud enough for all of them to hear) "So she can communicate on your level, 'Grimmy.'"

Starrk- "Oh shit, son. Heart of Darkness has got claws over here."

Grimmjow- (ignores Ulquiorra and hits the stewardess call button) "Yo, I'm gettin a dry mouth up here! I need another beer!"

Harribel- (resumes reading her paper) "I hope she comes up here and dumps the damn thing on your head. Shame on you for being so impolite."

Grimmjow- "Ey! This is first class, damn it. Shit's supposed to be done right. (flight attendant brings him another beer) Thanks darlin. Now what say you and I get better acquainted? How about in the back there?"

Flight attendant- (trying to avoid him completely) "Sir, that's where the food is being prepared."

Grimmjow- "I bet it is. I can tell your turkey's been gettin basted just lookin at me."

(flight attendant manages to get away from him and escape to the back)

Grimmjow- (turns back around to see Nel, Ulquiorra, Starrk, and Harribel all looking at him) "What?" (pops open his beer and begins to drink it)

Harribel- (looking over the top of her newspaper) "Did you really just say that?"

Grimmjow- (stops drinking after consuming half of the beverage and smiles) "You like that, huh?"

Harribel- (goes back to her paper again) "Nel."

(Nel smiles and then punches Grimmjow directly in the groin, causing him to fold up into himself and land in the floor)

Harribel- (without looking up from her paper, reaches up and presses the call button) "He might need some ice."

-A couple hours go by-

(Starrk is sleeping soundly with a beer in his hand while Harribel is finishing her newspaper. Ulquiorra is listening to his music at a moderate volume, still miffed about the earlier hazing. Nel is playing a game on her PSP while Grimmjow was finally starting to uncurl himself from the fetal position, holding a large bag of partially melted ice to his groin)

Grimmjow- (finally able to speak again) "I'm going to kill you, Neliel… (she draws her left hand back, still looking at her game, causing him to visibly flinch) I'm kidding, Nel! You know I'm kidding!"

Nel- (puts her hand back on the gaming device) "You better be."

Grimmjow- (does his best to shift in the seat, trying to avoid any more pain) "So Harribel… Who is this acquaintance of yours?"

Harribel- (folds her paper up and puts it on the empty seat between herself and Starrk) "He's a business man. He and his older brother do a bunch of things, one of which is giving us a rent free place to say."

Grimmjow- -sarcastic- "How nice of him. If it's free, it's prolly just a fuckin hole in the wall…"

Nel- "Why would she take us away from Las Noches for something worse?"

Grimmjow- (starts counting on his fingers) "Hmm, let me think… Aizen kicked us out, Gin took the TV back, Tousen was wandering into our rooms at night using the old 'hey, I'm blind, remember?' ruse, we ran out of tequila and tortillas before Cinco de Mayo…"

Harribel- "I must admit those are all valid points. But I wouldn't drag you all to the next hemisphere just to get one over on you guys. I might do it to you, Grimmjow, but I wouldn't drag Neliel, Starrk, and Ulquiorra along to do it."

Grimmjow- "If you say so… by the way, what happened to those hookers that used to always hang around you?"

Harribel- (cocks her eyebrow) "…you mean Sung-Sun, Apacci, and Mila-Rose?"

Grimmjow- "Yeah. Bitch, Butch, and Brute."

Harribel- (letting the remarks slide this time) "I believe they all got accepted to a college in America somewhere…"

Nel- (now playing a racing game) "Arizona State University."

Starrk- (mumbling in his sleep) "…number one… party college…"

Grimmjow- (snickering) "Guess we'll be seeing them in about five months. Yep I can see it now. (motions with his hands) Girls Gone Wild: Terrible Threesomes."

(Harribel shakes her head while Nel chuckles)

(a ding is heard and the airline pilot comes over the intercom)

Pilot- "Good afternoon. This is your captain speaking. I would like to just thank you for choosing us for your trip from Tokyo, Japan to Toronto, Ontario. We will be landing in Toronto in about 45 minutes. In a few moments-"

Co-pilot- (whispering, though still being heard over the intercom) "Hey Lucas, hand me another beer."

Pilot- (heard putting his hand over the microphone, though the whole plane can still hear them) "The ice chest is right behind your seat. Grab me one while you're digging. (takes his hand away from the mic) Like I was saying, in a few moments the 'fasten your seatbelts' light will be turned back on. It is currently 3:37 p.m. local time and it's a balmy 51 degrees in the 'T.O.' I hope you enjoy the rest of your flight and do fly again with us in the future." (sounds of movement and beers being opened before the intercom cuts off)

Harribel- (looking out the window) –sarcastic- "That was comforting…"

Nel- "Hey Tier."

Harribel- "Yes, Neliel?"

Nel- (looking over the back of her chair) "We're gonna get our own rooms, right?"

Harribel- (shrugs) "I thought I was just gonna let you share a room with Grimmjow."

Grimmjow- "NOOOO! She'll be bringing home so many damn guys it'll make the million man march look like a fuckin cake walk."

(Ulquiorra snickers, able to hear him over his music)

Nel- (smacks Grimmjow in the shoulder) "Shut up, Grimmy! (looks to Ulquiorra who is still looking out the window) And you're one to talk, Ulqui. I can tell them about your obsession with Brad- (Ulquiorra's eyes widen and he moves like a flash to cover her mouth) mmmpphhh!"

(Grimmjow and Harribel both look at him with smirks on their faces)

Ulquiorra- (whispering into Nel's ear) "What did I tell you about that? We agreed that you would keep my man crush a secret, and I wouldn't tell anyone about that time you got wasted and made out with Rangiku while Hitsugaiya and I watched."

Nel- (slightly blushes and whispers back) "Oh yeah…."

Harribel- (speaking up) "Something to share with the rest of us?"

Ulquiorra- "Nope." (goes back to listening to music)

Grimmjow- (crosses his arms) "That's too bad. (looks up to see the 'fasten seatbelts' symbol light up) I guess we're making our final approach. Wonder where my little stewardess went?"

Harribel- "Probably trying to burn your image from her retinas."

Grimmjow- "More like saving every second for personal use later."

(Harribel shakes her head and picks up her newspaper again)

Harribel- "Hey, Starrk. (starts swatting him with the newspaper) Wake up. –mockingly- Gotta return your seat to its upright position." (keeps hitting him with the paper until his eyes begin to flicker)

Starrk- -groggily- "Keep hitting me and I'm going to make you eat that business section… (fully opens his eyes and notices Harribel holding the paper) I mean… I guess we're landing soon…"

Harribel- (puts the paper back in the chair between them) "Yes."

Starrk- (leans forward and brings his chair back up to its original position, finally giving the guy behind him circulation in his legs back) "Where's my beer?"

Harribel- (not even looking at him) "You spilled it on your lap about an hour ago. Bottle is in the floor."

Starrk- (looks down to see his jeans are damp) "Oh. Thought I just pissed myself. Someone get me another beer…"

Grimmjow- (looking back at Starrk) "How the hell did you ever make Primera?"

Starrk- "I used a picture of Aizen from his high school yearbook to blackmail him. Did you know he was in the chess club, wore like 12 pounds of braces and had horrible acne?"

Nel- -disbelieving- "Nuh uh."

Starrk- (nodding) "Yeah huh. Kid could have been the poster child for Proactiv but decided he wanted to become some kind of God…"

(the plane begins to descend and then lands on the runway of the international airport of Toronto)

Grimmjow- (standing up once the plane had taxied to the terminal) "Finally, we can get the fuck off this bitch. (sees the stewardess he has been hitting on) And get on that one."

(some of the other passengers attempt to get by them)

Grimmjow- -angry- "Ey yo! You motherfuckers better waitcha damn turn. I'm gettin off first!" (everyone backs away from them)

Ulquiorra- (stands up and takes his headphones out of his ears) "From what I've heard that's a very common occurrence with you."

(Nel and Starrk snicker while Harribel walks past him, stepping off the plane)

Grimmjow- "I'm gonna beat your ass, Senor sorrow."

Starrk- (rubs his forehead and pushes past Grimmjow) "Come on, guys. The rest of the people on the plane are ready to go. Move your asses."

(Nel shoves Grimmjow into the wall in front of their seats and follows Starrk)

Ulquiorra- (smirks as he passes) "Stop holding everyone up. Gotta stop being selfish and get them off." (snickers as he walks off the plane)

(Grimmjow finally recovers and is standing in the middle of the aisle as everyone else on the plane waits for him to move)

Grimmjow- (trying to save face) "Man, fuck y'all. Ain't got nothin on this."

(the five of them walk down the terminal hall into the building)

Harribel- (looks at her watch) "Grimmjow, Ulquiorra. Go get our luggage. We'll meet you in the parking lot."

Ulquiorra- (nodding) "Alright."

Grimmjow- "What the fuck man? What am I? Your personal bellhop? (Harribel looks at him, then puts her hand on his shoulder while giving him a blank look) Uhh, I'll get right on it…"

(as he's turning around, Harribel drops a small pair of fingernail clippers in his back pocket without anyone realizing it other than Starrk)

Starrk- (as soon as Ulquiorra and Grimmjow are out of earshot) "Why'd you do that?"

Harribel- (shrugs) "For the show."

Nel- -confused- "Show?"

Harribel- "These humans are really weird with their security protocols. Japan wasn't that bad. This part of the world, everyone is completely paranoid for no reason."

(they follow Grimmjow and Ulquiorra from a moderate distance, watching them reach the security checkpoint)

Grimmjow- (taking his wallet out of his pocket and placing it in the bin beside the metal detector) "What the fuck am I gonna be bringing on a plane to fuck shit up with? I'm already a lethal weapon."

Ulquiorra- (putting his wallet and iPod in the same bin) "Shut up, Grimmjow. You're extremely annoying. You're honestly worse than Ichigo."

Grimmjow- "Man… fuck him. Seriously. But you're one to talk. You and Orihime kept me up so many nights."

(Ulquiorra grew quiet and stepped through the metal detector, being cleared)

Grimmjow- "It'd be different if you guys would have been fuckin or somethin, but I knew that wasn't happening. You're practically gay and she's legally retarded, staying up late and watching those shitty chick flicks…"

(Grimmjow walks through the metal detector and sets it off)

Grimmjow- "The fuck is the problem now?!

Security guard- (waving a metal detector wand) "Step to the side please sir."

Grimmjow- -angry- "Why don't you fuckin make me, dickhead?"

Ulquiorra- "Just do it, Grimmjow."

Security guard- (nodding, attempting to be patient considering he was looking at a teenager that seemed to be wearing loads of eyeliner and black fingernail polish, and a teenager with blue hair and a panther tattoo on his shoulder) "Might wanna just listen to your friend."

Grimmjow- (puffing his chest out, as if threatened) "The last time I listened to him, I was sexually assaulted by four ugly ass sorority girls."

Security guard- (looks at him, confused)

Grimmjow- "Never mind. (steps out of the line and the security guard begins waving the wand from top to bottom) What you lookin for, bro? If you're looking for any fucks I give, I'm fresh out."

Security guard- "Watch your mouth, young man. I don't care to do this any more than you care to be here. (wand reacts over his back pocket) Please take out whatever is in your back pocket."

Grimmjow- (crosses his arms) "I ain't got shit in my pocket, man."

(security guard gives him stern look)

Ulquiorra- "If you don't hurry up, Grimmjow, you'll be the one explaining to Harribel why we're late."

Grimmjow- (flicks his head back) "She can kiss my ass. I'll take my time, doing what the fuck I want."

Harribel- (walks up to the metal detector with Nel and Starrk, placing their belongings in bins) "Oh really, Grimmjow? –tauntingly- Please, take your sweet time."

Grimmjow- (shudders) "Alright, whatever… (reaches into his back pocket, his face changing from dismay to surprise as he found the nail clippers) Wait a second… (looks over to Harribel as she smiles innocently) You planted this!"

Security guard- (irritated) "Please take it out of your pocket, sir."

Harribel- (still smiling) "What are you talking about?"

Grimmjow- (steps toward Harribel, his hand still in his back pocket) "Ohh, I am gonna wipe that look off your fuckin face."

Security guard- "Sir, I'm telling you to remove it from your pocket and hand it to me."

Grimmjow- (pulls the nail clippers from his pocket and holds them in a threatening position) "Shut the fuck up already! They're just—"

Security guard- (face twists in horror and pulls out a tazer) –yells as loud as possible- "NAIL CLIPPERS!"

Grimmjow- (starts to turn around) "What the fuck man? Why are you yell-"

(4 security guards taze him until he falls to the ground and twelve more pile on him trying to disarm him)

Harribel- (laughing as they watched Grimmjow being tazed, trampled, and subdued by security) "I told you."

Starrk- (laughing his ass off) "That's fucking hilarious."

(Nel and Ulquiorra start laughing, hearing Grimmjow swearing to kill every security guard and Harribel for doing this to him)

Harribel- (clears the metal detector along with Starrk and Nel, then leans down to Grimmjow as his face is being pressed to the floor and is being placed in handcuffs, shaking off the effects of the tazers) "We'll send someone to pick you up once you're done being detained. Try not to get yourself into even more trouble."

Grimmjow- (grunts and looks up at Harribel as she begins to walk away) –yelling- "I'm gonna beat your ass, Harribel! Get the fuck off of me you mother-" (security guard tazes him again and knocks him out with a nightstick to the back of the head)

Ulquiorra- (looking back at the swarm of security guards) "Think he'll be okay?"

Harribel- (shrugs nonchalantly) "Eh, who cares? Maybe if he's lucky, they'll cavity search him while he's unconscious, instead of waking him up first."

Starrk- "Remind me not to ever piss you off."


	2. The Benefactors

(Ulquiorra goes to the baggage claim with Nel as Harribel and Starrk head out to the parking area)

Nel- "That was awesome."

Ulquiorra- "I must admit it was very comedic."

(luggage begins moving on the conveyor)

Ulquiorra- "Watch for a red Samsonite. That one is Harribel's. I think Starrk's is a gray one with a wolf stitched on it. Grimmjow's has that ugly ass Puma logo on it."

Nel- (grabs a pink hello kitty bag from the conveyor) "Found mine!"

Ulquiorra- "Lucky you. Last time I went on a plane, they sent my luggage to Costa Rica while I was in Shanghai…"

(more luggage goes by, allowing them to retrieve everyone's luggage except Ulquiorra's)

Nel- "Hmm… wonder where it went without you this time?"

Ulquiorra- "If it would just send me a damn postcard or something so I know it just wasn't fuckin stolen…"  
Nel- "Well, maybe we should just go make a claim."

Ulquiorra- "Ha, you're funny. Last time I went to claims, there was a rather overweight black woman who told me, and I quote, 'Your shit'll get here when it gets here.' I was rather unhappy about the whole ordeal. Only reason I didn't not completely destroy the woman was because Starrk was there to drag me away."

Nel- "Well, we can wait a few more minutes. We probably won't be leaving any time soon since Grimmjow is tied up with security…"

(a few more bags go by, still no sign of Ulquiorra's)

Nel- "It's okay, Ulqui. You can borrow some of my clothes like you did that time in –"

Ulquiorra- (puts a finger to his lips) "Shhh, shhh. Be quiet about that, Neliel."

Nel- "Oh, sorry… (the last bag, which is adorned in My Little Pony characters and pink and purple in color, drops down on the conveyor) Well, I guess that's it. We'll just pick you up some stuff once we get settled in."

Ulquiorra- "No… that one is mine…" (picks up the bag and begins heading to the exit)

Nel- (laughing) "Seriously? That's your bag? I thought the Twilight and ABC Family girl drama shows were as bad as it got…"

(goes to the terminal main entrance where Harribel and Starrk are walking out)

Starrk- "Man, I could go for some more beer. Or better yet, tequila."

Harribel- "I think you're an alcoholic, Starrk. You might want to get some help with that. Maybe rehab? That's pretty popular around this part of the world in recent times."

Starrk- "Man, rehab is for quitters. Fuck that."

(they walk outside and are met by four people, Urahara, Yoruichi, and two men in very expensive suits standing next to a long black limousine)

Urahara- (waving) "Well hello, my Espada friends. I trust the flight wasn't mind numbingly boring."

Harribel- "Of course it was. That's why I got Grimmjow detained, had to liven things up after nothing but Nel's snoring, Grimmjow's bitching, and Ulquiorra's music."

Yoruichi- "I would have loved to see that. Hey Starrk, how ya been?"

Starrk- -yawning- "Eh, been worse. Needin a drink mostly."

Yoruichi- (points to his lap) "You piss on yourself or something?"

Starrk- "Nah, apparently spilled a beer while I was sleeping."

Yoruichi- "That's alcohol abuse, man."

Urahara- "Well, our friends here have already prepared the house for you guys. I also added a few things for you guys, free of charge."

Harribel- "Why, that's awful nice of you. –suspiciously- Why would you do that?"

Urahara- "Hey, I'm a nice guy when I want to be."

Starrk- "Whatever you say, man."

(Ulquiorra and Nel emerge from the terminal carrying five bags of luggage with no problem)

Urahara- (signaling them over) "We'll put all that in the trunk. (looking over to the two men in suits) You guys may have to go get Grimmjow."

(the two nod and pass Ulquiorra and Nel going in the opposite direction)

Nel- (looks back at the two as they reach the limousine) "Who were those guys?"

Yoruichi- "Your new landlords."

Nel- "Oooooh."

Ulquiorra- "You can't sleep with them."

Nel- "Why does everyone think that I'm such a whore?"

Starrk- "Because you are."

Nel- "You guys are so mean to me!"

(Ulquiorra and Nel put all of the luggage in the trunk)

Urahara- "Well, why don't we have a seat in the car? Air conditioned and has a mini-bar."

Starrk- "Hell yeah. You have my attention." (follows Urahara into the limo and the other Espadas join them)

Ulquiorra- (sitting toward the front) "How did you meet these associates, Harribel?"

Harribel- (crossing her legs) "Couple years ago I was running an escort service and catered to very exclusive clientele…"

(Everyone pales and looks at her)

Starrk- "Then I guess Grimmjow was right earlier about those three…"

Harribel- (laughs lightly) "It's a joke, dumbass. (they continue to look at her) What? Is it so easy to see me doing something like that?"

Ulquiorra- "Uhhh…"

Harribel- "Don't answer that. Anyway, met them when I was on vacation in Aruba couple years ago."

Nel- (gasps) "You went to Aruba and didn't tell us?!"

Harribel- "That's the point. I needed to get away from all of you dumbasses."

Nel- (pouts) "You're just as mean as Grimmy and Ulqui…"

Urahara- (looking out the window) "Here comes Panthro." (snickers)

Starrk- "That quick? I'm surprised they didn't give him some jail time."

Yoruichi- "That's what happens when you have powerful friends."

Ulquiorra- "Just who are these guys?"

(the limo door opens and Grimmjow is shoved in and the two men in suits get in behind him)

Grimmjow- -angry- "Keep fuckin shovin me and I'll beat your asses!"

Urahara- (chuckling) "They bailed you out of trouble, idiot. Be a little more grateful."

Grimmjow- (looks behind him to see Urahara and Yoruichi as he takes a seat) "You cocksuckers?! What the hell are you guys doing here?! First goon platoon over here and now you guys?"

Starrk- (helping himself to the bar) "Hey, man, c'mon. Be quiet and be a little more respectful." (drinks straight from the bottle of scotch instead of pouring a glass)

Yoruichi- "These guys are the Kohen brothers."

Ulquiorra- "That name sounds familiar… (thinks) As in the law firm?"

Harribel- "Yep. Beckman and Richard (pointing to them individually) Kohen."

Ulquiorra- "Wow. That's a shock. Aren't you guys like billionaires?"

(the two men in suits nod)

Grimmjow- "What?! Stop fuckin with us."

Urahara- (waving his trademark fan) "Quite serious. You're looking at the wealthiest men on this side of the world."

Starrk- (remembering) "So just how did you meet them, Harribel?"

Yoruichi- (snickering) "She got busted while on a bender in Aruba."

Harribel- "I did not!"

Beckman- "Oh yeah you were. (laughs) Had about three pages of charges on that one."

Richard- "Yeah. Tell them about those booty bumps of cocaine."

Nel- "Oh really now? (everyone starting to chuckle) And you guys get onto me for stuff."

Grimmjow- "Yeah, cuz you're a whore. Harribel was just snorting cocaine off of some chick's ass. Completely different."

Harribel- "You're the last person I want defending me."

Grimmjow- "Fuck you, bitch."

Richard- "You guys are so nice and loving. Makes me miss Dad."

Beckman- "I'm amazed you got through that with a straight face."

Richard- "You're right." (both start laughing)

Harribel- (talking to the other Espadas) "I told you they were a little out there."

Starrk- (drains the scotch bottle) "They had to be to defend your ass in court."

Harribel- "I will smack that douchebag goatee off your face, Starrk."

Starrk- "Whatever, man."

Beckman- "What say you all to checking out your new pad? (hits a button on the console in front of his chair and the car starts moving) I'm sure you guys are tired from such a long flight and might like to lay down somewhere comfortable."

Nel- (popping her neck) "I am pretty tired."

Grimmjow- "You slept for over half the flight. You even drooled on my favorite shirt."

Nel- "Oh boo hoo, Grimmy."

Grimmjow- "Stop fucking calling me that!"

Urahara- "Calm down, spaz."

Yoruichi- (looks over and sees Ulquiorra texting on his phone) –teasingly- "So you let your girlfriend Orihime know you made it safely?"

Ulquiorra- "I don't have a girlfriend."

Grimmjow- "Yeah, he's the girlfriend in the relationship."

Ulquiorra- "Shut up, Grimmjow! We're not even dating."

Starrk- "You should be. She had a nice body."

Ulquiorra- (shaking his head) "Not everyone is all about looks and sex, Starrk."

Starrk- "And I feel sorry for them…"

Ulquiorra- -agitated- "When was the last time you actually had a serious relationship?"

Starrk- (stops drinking for a second and thinks) "Uhhh… when was the Spanish Inquisition?"

(everyone in the limo, including the driver who looks about 70 years old, look at Starrk)

Starrk- "What?" (finishes another bottle of alcohol)

Ulquiorra- "Am I the only one that wants a relationship for more than just sex?"

(now everyone in the car, including the driver, look at Ulquiorra)

Ulquiorra- "So none of you have relationships for more than just sex?"

Urahara- "Of course not."

Richard- "No."

Beckman- "Negative."

Starrk- "Nuh uh."

Yoruichi- "Never."

Harribel- "Definitely not."

Nel- "Nope!"

Grimmjow- "Hell no!"

Driver- "Bitch better be puttin out or I ain't interested."

(everyone looks at the elderly man in the driver's seat)

Driver- (not even looking at the road as he's driving) "What? I tell it like it is. And she better be young too."

Grimmjow- "I like your honesty but you creepy man…"

Driver- "I'll put five cross yo eyes, young man."

Grimmjow- (starts to move to the front of the limo) "You old mother-" (Harribel pulls him back into his seat) He started it!"

Harribel- "Shut up, Grimmjow. He's an old man. Leave him alone."

Driver- (laughing) "You better be glad that hot mocha momma is keepin yo ass in check, boy."

Ulquiorra- "Are all of your employees like him?" (points with his thumb to the driver)  
Beckman- (shakes his head) "Nah."

Richard- "Most of them are much dirtier and funnier."

Starrk- (confused) "…seriously?"

Beckman- (smiles) "Oh yeah. We hand pick all of our employees. If they can't deal with our sense of humor and way we do things, they don't make it."

Richard- "Why do you think we get along so well with Urahara over there?"

Grimmjow- (sighs) "God damn it… shoulda figured…"

(they keep riding in the limo for a while until it comes to a stop)

Richard- (opens the door) "Well, looks like we're here. Welcome to your new home."

Starrk- (is the first one out and sees the house) "…wait… this is our new place?"

Beckman- (stands next to him) "Yep. I figured you guys would be comfortable in one of our little summer homes."

Grimmjow- (gets out and stands next to them) "The fuck are you guys standing around for?! (Starrk turns Grimmjow's head so he sees the house) This is the place? (Beckman and Richard nod) Holy fuck!"

Harribel- (gets out and looks at it as if she expected more) "I thought it was bigger than this."

Grimmjow- (looks at her weird) "Bigger? This place is massive!"

Starrk- "Las Noches was ridiculously big I have to admit, but this looks like a really good imitation size wise by human standards."

(Nel and Ulquiorra exit the limo)

Nel- "Holy shit! It's like one of those houses on… what was it… Cradles!"

Ulquiorra- "You rob enough of em… It's Cribs… You guys are giving us this house?"

Beckman- "Basically. We got a new summer home in Acapulco. You guys can stay here for however long you guys need."

(Urahara and Yoruichi grab the luggage from the trunk and start walking up to the huge front door)

Harribel- "Thanks guys, we really appreciate it." (shakes hands with Beckman and Richard)

Richard- "Not a problem, Tier. Call either of us if you need anything."

Harribel- (smiles) "Will do."

(Beckman and Richard get back into the limo and leave the Espadas to settle in)

Urahara- (opens the front door) "Come on guys. I'll give you the tour."

(the group walks up to the house, admiring it's three stories and intricate architecture)

Starrk- (stops right before walking in the door, Harribel next to him) "Hold up… there's always a catch. What's the catch, Tier?"

Harribel- (shakes her head) "Nope. There's no catch."  
Ulquiorra- "I'm not sure if I believe that. He's right. There's always a catch."

Yoruichi- "Well, we are moving in with you guys."

Grimmjow- (throws hands in the air) "I knew it. This sucks. You guys suck."

Yoruichi- (hits him with his own bag) "Grow up. We're not the worst roommates you could have."

Starrk- "She has a point. It's better than living with Aizen, Stevie Wonder, and Jeffrey Dahmer…"

Urahara- (inside the house) "Come on guys. I'll show you all the cool stuff in here."

(they filed inside, taking in the vastness of the foyer and staircase in front of them)

Nel- (looking up) "This place is amazing."

Yoruichi- "I'll show you guys the bottom floor. I think there's like 11 or 12 bedrooms in the house. Eight of them are on the ground floor. Two of them are mine and Urahara's."

Grimmjow- (pretends to breathe a sigh of relief) "Thought you guys mighta been bunkin together or somethin…"

Harribel- "Shut up, Grimmjow."

Grimmjow- (walking behind Harribel, begins making faces and threatening gestures at the back of her head) "Whatever you say, -mockingly- mistress. (she turns around and he stops just as she looks back) What? Take a picture, it lasts longer."

(Harribel shakes her head and they continue following Yoruichi)

Yoruichi- (pointing) "You've got the living room with a couple recliners and a couch, not to mention the big TV."

Grimmjow- "Hell yeah. I like that."

Yoruichi- "And over here you've got the kitchen. Pretty much anything you could ever want in terms of appliances. Don't worry about food, it gets delivered every other week and unloaded. You want something, just right it down on the fridge, they take care of it. (points to the dining room) There's the dining room, room for like 18 people at the table. Couple bedrooms past that. (leads them to a sliding glass door) And out here-"

Starrk- (puts a hand up) "Wait wait wait, hold up for second. You're telling me that we're getting a kick ass house, no bills to pay, even our groceries bought and delivered for us, and there's absolutely no catch? I am just not believing that. (looks out the glass door to see a full deck, complete with grill and hot tub underneath a canopy) And a grill and a hot tub? For real?!"

Harribel- "I'm serious. Just don't make them regret letting you stay here."

Nel- (looks outside) "This is awesome…"

Urahara- (from behind them, toward the stairs) "Hey Nel! Did you bring two bags?"

Nel- (calls back) "No, why?"

Urahara- "Cuz I've got a pink Hello Kitty bag and a purple and pink My Little Pony bag. Trying to decide where to put them."

Nel- "The Hello Kitty one is mine, the My Little Pony bag is Ulquiorra's."

Urahara- (laughing) "What? Seriously?! That's awesome!"

(everyone looks at Ulquiorra, trying to keep their laughter contained)

Ulquiorra- "What? (Grimmjow and Starrk start laughing) Fuck you guys."

Grimmjow- (still laughing) "You have My Little Pony luggage?! Holy shit man."

Starrk- (also laughing) "Did they give you that for selling enough girl scout cookies?!"

Ulquiorra- (shaking his head and walking away from the group) "I hate all of you…"

Grimmjow- (holding his sides from laughing so hard) "Yeah, go write about it in your Hannah Montana diary! That's classic… My Little Pony luggage… (Harribel smacks him upside the head) What the fuck, Tier?! You didn't hit Starrk!"

Harribel- "Eh, just more fun to hit you. (hits him again) See? Pretty fun."

Nel- (hits Grimmjow) "I do always feel better after hitting Grimmy.

Grimmjow- (puts his hands up to protect his face) "Stop hitting me! You guys are assholes. All of you. Even Yoruichi, just standin there fuckin laughin!"

Urahara- (comes up beside them) "Ulquiorra went toward the game room on the other side of the house. Looked like he had a good diary entry brewing."(laughs)

(everyone except Grimmjow chuckles)

Grimmjow- (points at Urahara) "What the god forsaken fuck?! He gets to talk shit and you laugh but I say anything and you hit me?!"

Harribel- "You don't even have to say anything if you wanna get hit."

Grimmjow- (groans) "If I knew it was gonna be like this…"

Starrk- "Sucks when you're on the bottom rung, huh?"

Grimmjow- "At least I had someone under me when we were at Las Noches."

Starrk- "Usually holding the vomit bucket…"

Grimmjow- "Shut up, Starrk."

Urahara- (looks at Grimmjow with a smirk) "You done?"

Grimmjow- (throws his hands up in the air) –sarcastic- "Well gee, let me think about it. I think I can reach into my bag of extra fits to bitch…"


End file.
